You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My bed smells like the plague
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
