I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
