i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize