Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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