dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Randomize
