brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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