I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
