i just wanna soil my oats bro
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
