Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
two words...techno handjob
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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