so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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