I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
