look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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