Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
