I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
someone owes me an orgasm
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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