My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
