I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
