the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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