I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
