you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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