Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
