I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Drake has all the answers
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
