Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
