i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
