i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This baby is an asshole
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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