She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
