I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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