worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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