I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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