I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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