found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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