Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
