they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Terrible idea I love it
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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