operation have a gay friend backfired
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
