Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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