naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
