So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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