Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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