in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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