Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think I sprained my soul last night
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
