she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
