well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
