you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
