then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
