TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
