But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
