and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
