My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My ass is underappreciated
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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