I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
