Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Randomize
