you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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