peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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