There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
