I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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