How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
