Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
