There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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