Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
