i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
