READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
