i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
