You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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