i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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