he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
