Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
