Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
