How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize