do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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