I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Small penises have feelings too.
My balls are so social today.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
